The Pokemon MarySue ABCs
by Act
Summary: Pretty self-explanatory.


I wrote this a very, very long time ago (read: years), but the general ideas probably still apply. I never posted it here, though. The genral idea belongs to Irony-chan. Please, visit her HP version. It's much better.

* * *

**A** is for **Ash**  
Who ten years from now  
Will be buff and handsome  
(Please don't ask how)  
And whether Misty or May  
We know for sure  
It's his daughter's turn now  
For journeys galore

**B** is for **Blaze**  
A charmander of legends  
But he's not one lizard  
He's more like seven  
Or several hundred  
It must be confusing  
To be battling another  
Which Blaze is losing?

**C** is for **Claire**  
Who was walking one day  
When an injured pokemon  
Happened her way  
Joy came to her with the thought  
Of having this pokemon not having fought  
She rushed to the center, heedless of care  
And had her license revoked when she arrived there.

**D** is for **Dana**  
A very strange trainer  
Unlike the others, everyone hates her  
Her hair is not blonde, legs are not straight  
She runs away to change her fate  
Along with a pokemon  
(And without certification)  
This anti-sue will plague the nation

**E** is for **Eevee**  
Who's sick of this land  
They're tired of always being  
At some sue's right hand  
When he makes an appearance  
And sees readers shudder  
He could only wish they'd  
Been born another

**F** is for **Flora**  
A morph on the run  
Her name fits her sunflora blood  
She'll win over Rockets, passing each test  
She'll be loved by some  
Hated by the rest  
Page after page, breath after breath  
This fic will go on 'til the author's death

**G** is for **Geoff**  
Who finds it quite funny  
That he can shove in his backpack  
A years' worth of money  
Some CDs, some scissors  
The kitchen sink, too  
I guess a U-Haul  
Is coming with you

**H** is for **Hannah**  
And she can't keep quiet  
An abusive trainer  
Makes her riot  
All this righteous talking  
'Bout what not to do  
Might make the reader  
Want to run to the loo

**I** is for **Inari**  
A new trainer is she  
Like, totally kawaii!  
It's a cross-culture spree  
Complete with 'Konbonwa'  
And even a 'Hai'  
Hopefully, next  
She'll learn 'goodbye'

**J** is for **Judy**  
Who knows she is great  
Her fics are amazing  
Out of five? An eight!  
But when she uploads  
Her latest Sue  
She'll be starting a war  
After the first review

**K** is for **Koby**  
The poor central guy  
In one of those parodies  
That burn out the eyes  
No spelling or grammar  
A poorly planned plight  
Even satire has boundaries  
Please, know how to fight

**L** is for **Lena**  
Her starter, it's true  
Was none other than  
You guessed it—mew!  
With her fire-red eyes  
Hair silver like a rhino  
It's weird to think  
That the girl is albino

**M** is for **Mew**  
Who begs you, please  
Leave me to slumber  
Do leave me at ease!  
I'm not someone's pet  
Nor a happy little toy  
With legendary powers  
I'm built to destroy

**N** is for **Nick,**  
Who proudly annoys.  
Every bit of canon  
He refuses to employ  
Mews roam the streets  
Dexter won't be quiet  
And as the pokemon talk  
Reviewers riot

**O** is for **Oliver**  
Who started out late  
Yes, some years have passed  
He's now twenty-eight  
The professor looks on  
With a pitiful hunger  
He has no idea  
He'll lose to those younger

**P** is for **Polly**  
With a flip of her hair  
She has the guys drooling  
And the author doesn't care  
She'll prance around  
in very much glory  
This is, you remember,  
A _pokemon_ story

**Q** is for **Quagsire**  
Who too has a complaint  
He's been written off  
And is frankly ashamed  
He's a fine, good pokemon  
Who's immune to spark  
Can everyone please stop  
Leaving him in the dark?

**R** is for **Ruby**  
The girl, not the game  
Though according to her title,  
They're on in the same  
She has her own chronicle  
Many times over  
And is forced to be  
A forgotten holdover

**S** is for **Steve**  
Who just got a power  
That lets him become  
A pokemon shower  
One after the other  
With very much ease  
Who though that shape-shifting  
Was such a breeze?

**T** is for **Tula**  
Who has some cool gear  
It can hold so many 'mon  
I can't fit the numeral here  
But it seems quite odd  
With hardly four hundred found  
You'd have some need  
For that many pokemon around

**U** is for **Uma**  
A militant shipper  
Who flames anyone  
Who doesn't agree wit'er  
Wrong pairing? Uh-oh!  
Here she comes now  
I can't believe you dared  
To call Misty a cow

**V** is for **Vulpix**  
Who is near going crazy  
With how many authors  
Are so close-minded and lazy  
This poor little fox  
Is so tired out  
When she see a vulpix  
Even she wants to shout

**W** is for **Walter**  
A cute little lad  
Who's been going to school  
So he's late a tad  
But here I ask  
Something I truly can't get  
How do you learn 'bout pokemon  
When you don't have one yet?

**X** is for **Xandy**  
A growlithe of sorts  
Who acts like a human  
And one's name he sports  
A pokemon is not  
A human in new skin  
I'd say characterization is good  
Going out on a whim

**Y** is for **Yvonne**  
Who won't catch rattata  
The former's too good  
For the weak little latter  
No caterpie or birds  
No nirdoran, it seems  
One has to wonder  
How this girl builds a team

**Z** is for **Zach,**  
Who looked up at the screen  
He hates sues so much,  
He understands what I mean  
The creatures are degrading  
They send him into a fit  
Unless, you see,  
It's him writing the fic


End file.
